Body language
http://www.positive-way.com/body.htm
How to read body language
Up to 93 % of communication is non-verbal. Including tone of voice, eye movement, posture, hand gestures, facial expressions and more. The pressure of body language can especially be felt in emotional situations. Body language usually prevails over words. Are you good at reading body language? The eyes communicate more than any other part of the human anatomy. Staring or gazing at others can create pressure and tension in the room. Gangs have fought over the way someone looked at them. Researcher suggests that individuals who can routinely out gaze another develop a sense of control and power over others not so inclined. Maintained eye contact can show if a person is trustworthy, sincere or caring. Shifty eyes, too much blinking can suggest deception. People with eye movements that are relaxed and comfortable yet attentive to the person they are conversing with are seen as more sincere and honest. Eyebrow muscle draws the eyebrows down and toward the center of the face if someone is annoyed. If someone is empathetic and caring during dialogue the eyebrows will not show the annoyed facial grimace. The smile: There are 50 or so different types of human smiles. By analyzing the movements of over 80 facial muscles involved in smiling, researchers can tell when a smile is true. Look for the crinkle in the skin at the middle, outside corner of the eyes and if it is not there, the smile is probably fake. Authentic smiles are smiles that "crest" or change rapidly from a small facial movement to a broad open expression. Bodily cues are the most reliable of all nonverbal signals of deception to help you read body language. This is because a person generally has less conscious control over these than other signals. (Springer, 1996; Ekman & Friesen, 1974). Hand-to-face gestures and shrugs are strong markers of deception. Playing with or touching things nearby during conversations has been found to be associated with deception (Cody & O'Hair, 1983). Deceivers also are likely to have increased illustrator activity--quick and animated use of hands/arms during speech. Vocal cues can predict deception. More and lengthier pauses during conversation; a lot of such sounds as "uh," "um," word repetitions; intruding sounds not part of the actual speech, less lengthy answers or explanations where they would be expected to be. Space is important. Personal space is needed and if it is invaded intentionally and at times by oversight can cause an individual to feel uncomfortable or threatened. Studies have shown that individuals that do not respect others space are less popular and often rejected by others. Gestures communicate. Hand signals can communicate without the use of any speech. Touching communicates. Touching can be friendly or it can be aggressive. The way a person stands reflects their level of confidence and comfort level. If a person stands tall so to speak they are seen as more confident. If someone is standing with their hands on their hips that can indicate aggression or alertness. See our recommended reading list on body language and gestures. When you interact socially develop your listening and observations skills. The above are a guide for looking for the clues to deception they are not fool proof. Watch your body language. Avoid shifting eyes and head quickly during conversation when someone asks you a question. Do not look down or to the side. Look directly at the person with a sense of confidence but not overbearing or threatening in nature. See article Body Language - Is yours turning people away? Note: If you want to win someone over a good rule of thumb is to mirror his or her body language. Read their body language and follow their lead. |
Body Language – Are you turning people away
because of your body language?
We either attract others to us or repel others because of our body language. What does your body language say to others? Are you unconsciously turning people away or giving clues to them that you are not trustworthy? Do you have a difficult time making friends? Do you have a difficult time getting a date? Do you ever get a second date? Do you have a difficult time getting a job offer? Body language is so important that the statistics show that our body language makes up 93% of our communication with others. If we don’t have good body language then life can be more difficult in general. We struggle more than we have to by just not being aware of our own body language and not taking advantage of some fine tuning to make us more likeable in general. You can tune up your body language and communication skills using the following ten tips:
10. Don’t steal the other person’s story. If someone starts sharing their vacations experience allow them to finish their story and show interest the whole time. Then and only then can you share a similar story if appropriate. |
The 3-minute Conversation Guideline :
Good networking involves the 3-minute conversation guideline. Share the conversation. Don't talk too long. Wise networking is to talk for about 3 (three) minutes and then give the other person a chance to talk. Ask them open-ended questions to give them an opportunity to carry their side of the conversation. If you are with an introvert or shy person continue to ask open-ended questions to encourage them to talk for a while. Don't try to fill the silence with more talking on your end. Show interest in the person you are with. Some examples of open-ended questions are "Tell me about some of your interests and hobbies?"
If they say they like to read for example ask, "What book are you reading now? What is it about? What is your favorite book and
why?"
Another good networking guideline is to not take over the story of the person whose turn it is to talk. For example, if the person talking says they went to Paris last year and you've been to Paris also, don't jump in with that information. Allow the person to talk about their Paris experience and to share their story first. Ask them questions about their trip and adventure. Then when it is your turn to talk you can share your Paris story.
Self-esteem
What self-esteem is and how to develop it.
Listed below are links to the articles that will give you answers and guidance to many of these self-esteem topics. If you have questions about a particular issue or subject click on the word or area of interest below and learn some straight forward advice and guidance for better understanding and knowledge that will allow you to go forward in a positive way.
Secrets to Social Success An Ebook That After Being Read, Your Confidence And Social Skills Will Be Dramatically Improved. You Will Learn To Easily Generate Magnetism With Anyone You Come Across Within Only A Couple Of Minutes. Self-esteem - what is it? What you think and speak
Self-esteem questionnaire - what is your level Loneliness
Self-esteem and the inner criticBody language
Tools to develop self-esteemTest your body language awareness
Recommended reading list for self-esteem developmentLook thinner instantly!
The Complete Self-Esteem Workbook. The Solution To Low Self-Esteem Success Factor #1 is the most important ingredient for achieving a strong self-image, positive mindset, productive results and for overcoming negative expectations, sabotaging results and destructive emotions. Bestselling Self-Esteem Building Mp3 Course. Lots Of Social Proof.
How to Mingle
- If you are at a party, wedding or any social gathering, introduce yourself with a firm handshake and good eye contact. A good thing to ask the person you just met is "How do you know the hostess?" or "How do you know the bride?"
- If you are attending a seminar ask someone "How did you hear
about this seminar?" or "Have you attended any other seminars?"
- Before you attend any social event you might want to skim the headlines of your local newspaper or The Wall Street Journal or USA Today. You can bring up the headlines and ask people what they think or know about the topic.
- Pick safe general topics to discuss and try to avoid topics like religion or politics. These topics can bring out a lot of emotion for some people and that might be too much for a first meeting.
- Humor is great but NEVER tell off color jokes or jokes that poke fun at a certain race or nationality. Laughing at yourself or one of your own life experiences can be entertaining for others if done without foul language or insults to others.
- Most of us have trouble remembering names of people we have just met or don’t know very well. Don’t hesitate to repeat your name to everyone you meet even if you’ve met him or her before. This may prompt them to say their own name and if it doesn’t just ask them again for their name.
- If you accept an invitation to a party it is a good idea to bring a small gift to the hostess or host of the function. You can be confident knowing that you have done something special. A gift like a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates or something homemade makes a wonderful hostess gift. The gift should not be expensive and should not require any action or work on part of the hostess.
- When attending a function where you don’t know anyone ask the host or hostess to introduce you to one or two people to get you started. After that it is up to you to introduce yourself to others. If you are introverted or feeling shy you might ask your new acquaintances to introduce you to some people they know.
- Ask questions that show interest in others. Remember people enjoy talking about themselves and like it when someone shows interest in who they are and what they think and feel. Don’t make the mistake of just talking about you. Also don’t act like a know it all. Even if you know a lot about a subject it is best to ask others about their thoughts and opinions.
- Before leaving a party always make a point to find the host/hostess and thank them for inviting you. You don’t have to say goodbye to anyone else or announce your departure. When you know how to leave a function gracefully it is sometimes easier to attend the function and to stay.
Remember: The key to good mingling and meeting new people is to show interest in them. Smile, be enthusiastic and maintain a positive attitude. No one wants to be around a negative person that complains about others or life in general. Do your mingling The Positive Way and your will be very pleased with the results. Socializing will be fun and rewarding and not a painful experience. Enjoy!
Small Talk
The Importance of Small Talk
Tips from author and speaker Leil Lowndes & VerbalAdvantage
There is great value in those common and "unoriginal remarks" for meeting someone new. Small talk breaks the ice with people. It allows each person to feel the other person out before taking a conversation further. It builds rapport. It gives people time to get over the initial uneasiness of meeting for the first time.
Make the goal in your conversations to connect rather than impress. Find out who the other person is. Two kinds of people that walk into a room - Well here I am! OR Ah there you are! A good conversationalist will be the one that walks into a room and says "Ah there you are!"
Seven Guidelines for Small Talk
1. Make it neutral and non-threatening.
2. Talk about something relevant at the time and relative to the situation.
3. Make it pleasant, complimentary, or empathetic. Be sincere.
4. Talk about something that will be easy to agree with.
5. Make your opening remarks start with the word "you. The word you gets a persons attention and personalizes your conversation.
6. Resist the quick "me too". Let the person enjoy telling their story before telling yours.
7. Echo the person's words. Speak their language. For example if the are talking about what they do for a living and refer to it as their "profession", then use the word "profession" when speaking to them about their work.
Warnings when meeting people for the first time:
Avoid complaining and bad mouthing
Opening words that are negative give a bad impression. Whatever you first say is 100% of their impression.
If you don't agree with the person say something like "That's an interesting way to look at it. Tell me more."
Don't share secrets or intimacies too early in meeting someone.
Forget clever remarks, jokes, and intellectual comments early on. This is too much too soon for most people to feel comfortable with and will cause the other person to feel overwhelmed and a need to leave and/or avoid the conversation.
Do the following during small talk:
Listen for anything that might lead you into a different direction. Pick up on specific words that the person uses and that will lead to a deeper conversation. Keep your ears tuned to words that will clue you into what the person is interested in.
Empathize. Empathizers are short statements like "I can see that you" or "I can understand you feeling that way" or "It must have been..."
Keep the focus on them
If you sense someone enjoys their work - then ask them about it.
Ask, "What do you enjoy doing?"
Look at the body language and take note if they are ready to talk.
Match their mood for a moment
Use their name
Ask open ended questions. For example: Why did you move to this area? Tell me about your trip. What is your work day like? What inspired you to go into your field?
As the conversation evolves then you can ask background or roots, upbring where they grew up or grade school. Occupation, hobbies, etc.
Ask What they enjoy doing on weekends.
Greet people by silently thinking "Hello Old Friend" and think acronym SOFTENER
Smile
Open body language
Forward lean
Touch - light fleeting touch on the arm
Eye contact
Nodding
Energy level - keep it up and animated
Relative distance between you and the person you are talking to. Two feet apart is average. Farther away shows intimidation.
Make a Good "First Impression"
1. Be neat, clean, and dress appropriately. Make sure you are showered, have fresh breath, combed hair, and wear clothes that are neat, clean and appropriate to the event.
2. Maintain good eye contact. This shows people that you are listening to them and interested in them. Don't stare or glare, just focus on them and their immediate direction the majority of the time.
3. Shake hands. Most people appreciate and expect a friendly handshake upon meeting one another. The best kind of handshake is one that is firm and 3 to 5 seconds long. Look the person in the eyes while shaking their hand. Don't apologize for "cold or clammy" hands.
4. Smile and show a positive attitude. A warm and friendly smile goes a long way in making a good first impression. Introduce yourself with your name, smile and say hello. Smile and nod occasionally a you listen to the other person speak to show your interest in what is being said. A positive attitude is like a magnet - it attracts people.
5. Listen more than you talk. Listening to your new acquaintance will give you information to refer to later on, and it will give your new friend the impression you are genuinely interested in them. If you are asked questions, feel free to talk and remember to share the floor and ask questions in return. Everyone appreciates, likes, and enjoys a good listener that show interest in what is being said.
6. Be yourself. People don't like fakes. Trying to be something that you are not does not impress people in a positive eay. Be yourself, try to relax, and go with the flow of the conversation.
7. Ask questions. Show that you have an active interest in the other person's thoughts, ideas, and opinions on life. People enjoy talking abut themselves and giving their opinions on things in general. People usually feel flattered and respected when others, especially people who have never met them, show real interest in them and their opinions. Avoid being "self-centered". don't spend a lot of time talking abut yourself and "your" life. Show interest in the other person.
8. Avoid bragging and name-dropping. Bragging about what you own, what you drive, or your financial successes are in bad taste and turn most people off. People are more interested in your thoughts, feelings, and knowledge rather than in your material possessions. People are more impressed with what you know rather than whom you know unless you are there to help them network.
9. Don't overindulge in food or drink. It is always wise to eat and drink in moderation. This is especially true of drinking alcohol. There is nothing worse than a person getting intoxicated and saying to doing things that are embarrassing, rude, crude, or all three. Use good self-control and eat as your new friend does, and drink only is social moderation or not al all. Dennis R. Tesdell states "What is done one night under the influence of alcoholic merriment might be regretted for hundreds of nights in clear headed sobriety!"
10. Leave your company with a smile, a handshake, and a sincere comment. No matter how you felt the evening went, it is common courtesy to shake hands when the evening is over, offer a smile, and some sort of friendly comment. If you had a great time and want to get together again say that.
People begin to judge you in the first moments of meeting. Conversation involves listening. People will feel better about you if you listen to what they have to say and carry on a good conversation.